For #16days campaign- what do you think GBV means?

The 16 days of activism campaign got me thinking and trying to define Gender Based Violence to myself. Violence based on, or because of your gender didn't seem to quite cut it. Violence denotes aggression and aggressive behaviour, physical force, injuries, blood; but so often violence, and abuse, is not just about those things. What about the wife who has no access to the bank accounts, no money of her own, and is forced to ask and account for every penny? What about the son who is constantly told he is not good enough, not manly enough, doesn't fit into the male stereotype society has deemed fit to construct for him? What about the young girl who is forced to give up her dreams and marry a man she neither knows nor loves because the time has come? What about the woman who walks to work everyday and not once does she look up, fearful as she is of the salacious looks and lewd comments coming her way? Is this not violence too?

We have compartmentalized and defined violence to such an extent, that unless there is blood and broken bones, we do not even consider it. We do not consider mental scars, sleepless nights, anxieties and fear unless they come bearing the visible marks to prove it. And if you can't see it, it didn't happen, did it?

We ignore the subtle putdowns that accumulate over time and tear one's confidence to shreds. We turn a blind eye on infidelity and broken trust because sorry is such a strong word, isn't it? We try to find salvation in religion, in food, in music, in rusty blades and dirty needles, because somewhere along the way, we forgot what it felt like to be happy.

Violence is not always aggressive. It is not always meted out with sticks and stones. Sometimes violence comes down to words and deeds, with ignorance and carelessness. But it should never come with excuses. Because there is no excuse to violating someone's rights, for causing pain and sorrow.

Until we accept that gender based violence, in any form, is unacceptable, we are unacceptable.

Review: Cutting for Stone

 

Cutting for Stone

If you read only one book this year, let it be this one.

Beautifully written, Verghese takes you on a journey spanning continents and generations. From a mission hospital in Ethiopia, to the war terrain in Eritrea, to the tough streets of the Bronx, the story moves the reader through a dizzying array of themes and story lines, all wrapped in a cocoon of medical drama that is neither pretentious nor overly complicated. In fact, it is the language of the medicine that makes it such an intricate part of the story; the weaving together of lives through both basic and complex biology.E veryone down to the secondary characters has a back story, a history that is neither black nor white but multitude shades of grey. You neither love nor hate anybody, except perhaps Ghosh, but you were never more invested in them.

The story begins and ends with family, both of the blood and not. It juxtaposes the advancements of the developed world against the hopelessness of the developing world. It talks of the migrant's story and the accompanying sense of loss and displacement. It shows you how every action has a thousand unseen reactions, how no one man is an island. It is not a love story, and yet it is so much a love story.

I will freely and uncharacteristically admit I cried, multiple times, while reading it. You will too.